Creating boundaries can be scary no matter what age or stage you are at in your journey. Luckily, there are plenty of people out there who have gone through exactly what you are going through. Those people were able to hand down tips so that hopefully the process could go a little smoother for you.
1) Be Direct
The most important tip is to be direct. Do not tiptoe around what you are doing or the stipulations of it. Let the person know that you are looking to create boundaries, why you want to create boundaries, and what those boundaries are.
Not being direct could confuse the person you are talking to and you might end up having to have the entire conversation again. Being direct will make sure that you set in stone what your boundaries are and what you expect from now on.
2) Personal Permission
As stated above, setting boundaries can be scary. Often people believe that they are doing something wrong or are being selfish, both of which are false. By having a deep look inside of yourself and having an internal conversation before you may be able to get rid of these beliefs.
By getting rid of these beliefs that what you are doing is wrong you will be able to set boundaries easier and with more self-respect.
3) Start Small
If you are still feeling a little unsure about boundaries, how to set them, or if you should set them, then start off small. Make a little boundary such as only talking on the phone for 10 minutes or not responding to texts during work hours, something very doable.
By doing this you are able to gauge how setting boundaries feels, how it works for you, and how it benefits you. This will also give others in your life time to prepare for future boundaries you may want to set.
4) Don’t Waver
If you are close with the people whom you are setting boundaries with then the conversation might be even more awkward. They may not understand why the boundary needs to be set or they may take offense to it.
While explaining to them why you are setting it and so on could help them to understand. However, even if it doesn’t you need to stick to what you set. Don’t let them talk you out of something or talk you into changing your boundary, which will do more harm in the future.
By sticking to what you first said you are establishing this is what you want and this is what you are going to get. Then that person can choose to be around you or not. You will walk out feeling much more empowered and relieved if you stick to your original boundary.
5) Don’t Try to Fix Others
You are setting boundaries for your well-being, not for others. Even though setting some of these boundaries could help others realize that they have toxic traits it does not mean you are responsible for them. You are only responsible for yourself.
If you are setting boundaries to help out someone else then you are setting them for the wrong reasons. Boundaries should be on your behalf and your behalf only. Others are responsible for setting their boundaries to help themselves out.
There are plenty more tips out there from those who have gone through this before you but these were the most important. By staying true to your boundary, being direct, giving yourself permission to do so, and starting small you are making great leaps towards a life that better suits you.